i've been so bumbed lately, letting the stress of everything effect everything. my hubby and i barely talk to each other anymore and i miss him. i miss being able to just randomly call friends and go milkshake hunting at 3 am, i miss being happy and i just got happy dammit! i've been so depressed for so many years that the first real glimpse of happiness i find and really enjoy, poof, gone again. well fuck that! now that i actually know what it is to be happy, not because i have money or things, but because i have friends to hang with, a hubby i can laugh with, and well, i was just happy for once in my life. AND I WANT IT BACK!
so i think my christmas list now consists of new pots and pans, sorry that's been on my list for a few years now, a new job, first ever house, a not so crappy piece of shit car, and to be happy again. to start talking again instead of bottling everything up inside and being too worried about talking about things that might upset people.
i've been doing that for far too long where i put everyone else's happiness and emotional well-being in front of my own and it's almost killed me a few times. i can't, no i WONT do it anymore.
i'm taking back my happiness and holding on tight.
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